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2003-05-22 8:27 p.m.
myself and only me
Saw a different side to Stuart yesterday. It made me put all my physical pain into perspective. The knowledge that we are friends yes. That too is being put into perspective. But what does everyone else think. I know I know I said I'd be thinking of myself - but this involves someone else. Treat Stu like I would, say, Chris? I have to distance myself. All the lines are blurred. Confusing everyone including me. Which is really bad right now. Sigh I don't know how to write this. I tried explaining this to Stu yesterday, I don't know how much sunk in because a) he was drunk and b) I'm never very good at explaining my feelings. I think that coming here, seeing these different sides to Stu has helped me with my feelings. The late night talks do to. Heh. But seriously - could I see myself with him. Not right now, no. Its not fair on him. But whats even unfairer was the realisation that, I was acting, that I have been acting like we are together. No wonder I'm confusing everyone. Hence - distance myself. Have to rely on myself.
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