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2003-05-11 13:40 p.m.
not here

Oh My God. I had sex with Dave. Not once. But twice. What was I thinking. I wasn't even that drunk. I could have said no. Why didn't I say NO????!!! I don't even know what to write, sitting here at the train station and last night in bed, blinking back tears.

Why

And why did I just try and phone. To talk about this or some other ulterior motive?? <.......>

Talking with Dave yesterday about this situation and it seems indeed that I am the densest person alive. Thinking I had this situation in hand and then Dave said that it was really obvious interest in me. And the fact that <.....> is just to put people of the scent???? Maybe. And thinking about it so am I. In a way. Psycho Essex slut I can't be though. So proved that to myself this weekend.

<..............>

Why oh why did I have sex with Dave? And even more fucking why did I just try and call. Needing someone to talk to? Confirmation that I am (ooops sorry am not) in fact some cheap whore. <......>

I wish I'd never met Stu but thats the biggest lie ever actually. Despite this whole situation I don't know what I'd have done the past month without him.

I shouldn't have come here

before ][ after

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