|
2003-05-10 14:02 p.m.
have it bad
I really do have it bad. Can't help thinking of the email Fletch sent me even though it was in December, it was depressing and bitchy, and I deleted it a while ago. Am I too scary/freaky? <.....> No more <.....> I mean it this time. No more. I have got to stop. This obsessive need to have someone again?? When all I'm doing is probably driving them away. Thinking about this on the train though. Was never very much liked at school, not been single for five years and those relationships werent exactly good for me. So now I found people who like me as (they think) I am - like the same things I do - and what am I doing? Pushing them away with scariness. Not letting them see the real me either anyway. Will I ever be able to trust anyone again? Which is the other thing. Even if anything did happen and a relationship came about I don't think it would last very long anyway. Trust issue being a big factor and I don't know that I want a relationship. Psycho Essex sluts don't do relationships they just do guys. <........> I just need friends I can go out with, drink with, flirt with, stay inside and watch TV with - without anything resulting. <....> Despite what I think I may feel (actually do feel?) I hope to god he doesnt fall in love with me too. I couldn't cope with that right now. Need to wrestle with my thoughts hard enough without anything else complicating issues and fucking me up even more.
before ][ after
0 comments so far
Miss These?
woohoo!!!!!!!!!! - 2004-05-07
say hi to Eric :) - 2004-05-06
new update - 2004-05-05
human nature - 2004-03-17
trying :) - 2004-03-16
| 