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2003-07-07 10:49 p.m.
drink
its, say.. 11pm. It might as well be. And I'm at a loss. He said we couldn't do anything tonight, because he wanted to pack. NOW he's saying he wants to see me, claiming he cant tomorrow because he'll be packing... there've been times when i've felt good because you're hurt inside
no that's not true i'm just acting tough
i don't know what it is i'm feeling
i don't know if you are enough I was fine... was great, happy happy me me. Phoned Stu up to squeal down the phone at him, wish him happy birthday and squeal that I'd be spending the night with Simon. And then I get another text from Simon saying no. So cancelled the call. Then the group in the alley way. God that was a nightmare. Fell apart when I got home. And back to drinking. Managed to keep it together till just now... Drink makes me happy, see. Even when I wanted to break down - I just drank. But I have no more drink left.... And Simon's pressuring me to spend time with him... But he said No earlier. And its so late... I will never understand this. Scrap that thought. That was unworthy. And now he's sent a text saying should he come or not.... I need more drink Stu, angel - did you get your card?
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