|
2003-06-04 11:38 p.m.
downward spiral
I feel like I'm on a downward spiral, and everything thats happened, that I've done, is making it worse. "You'll find someone when your ready, baby" I'll never be ready. Ever. And as for finding someone - who'll put up with screwed up me. I'm not going out with Chris tomorrow [today]. I don't have the heart or the energy to. Certainly not up to being good company right now. I wish again - that I could just disappear. I had an email from Jordan today [yesterday]. It seems he knows me better than I thought. I want to read it again but I can't. I've already had my turn online today. I should print it out tomorrow. And yet, no-one really knows me. Not right now. I'm .... not sharing anything about this. Why is this so hard. Did I really think we could be anything. Lying to myself always always all the time. I don't deserve anything. I'm a bad friend, a bad lover, a bad fiancee. A worse friend to some. Why are you still there? *Are* you still there? I'm sorry for putting you through this. I can't apologise enough for all my shit, my emotional instability, my mood swings, my feelings, my thoughts and most of all my actions. I'm sorry
before ][ after
0 comments so far
Miss These?
woohoo!!!!!!!!!! - 2004-05-07
say hi to Eric :) - 2004-05-06
new update - 2004-05-05
human nature - 2004-03-17
trying :) - 2004-03-16
| 