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2003-07-01 10:16 p.m.
Dr Pepper shall smote me
I'm remembering my week down in plymouth. Remembering the weekend I spent there too. Just the whole "Plymouth" association... makes me feel calm Sitting with Steve, our arms around each other, just watching the sun go down at the Hoe... Wishing I could have sat there with Stu... I would have gone there on the Sunday - I left Russell's house crying, unsure of what was going on, where we stood - and I wanted to sit there, watching the sea, letting the peacefullness and calmness enter me... But I went shopping instead. Cant cry when I'm shopping, don't want people to see me cry. But just remembering.. I think it was the Tuesday. OK, so I was really worried about Stu... did he realise that everytime he came back downstairs I was surreptitously checking his hands... I digress though - just remembering that...I really enjoyed that night... peaceful, calming. It was a new experience for me - having someone just being there, without making any demands on me, just letting me know without words he would be there for me Anyway - I've been thinking about that night a little bit lately... and its been brought to the fore because that was the first time I'd ever had Jack Daniels. And it was with Dr Pepper (which I cant stand) but together its lovely... And I'm having this nice little conversation with my little deathangel about Dr Peppper Apparently, Dr Pepper will hunt me down for mocking his drink and servant... He shall smote me because I annoyed him by refusing his drink I don't know where else to go from here... I haven't written in my paper diary for a while now... I think it would be best to get back to that and edit again, as I did when I started... Now that the police have come and taken the statement I no longer feel quite so much a failure because I can't remember what they look like... that bits out the way. I have to concentrate on the panic attacks. Try to ... live I suppose
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